We Belong Together
by starryeyedwr1ter
Summary: 'Every now and then I thought I was over her but then something like this stupid fucking song came and sucker punched me again.' One shot side fic to Hometown Girl. Ties in with chapter 38, this time for Chris' take on things.


**We Belong Together**

It was the strangest darn thing.

I hadn't seen her in months- which was hard in a town as small as Castle Rock was. But I think that day-deep down- I felt her before I saw her.

I was in town to buy my bus ticket. I wanted to be sure that I had everything ready for my trip to Berkeley on Saturday. Gordie and I had sold the car that we had spent all of a summer fixing up. And we made a good return which we split right down the middle to help us both with college.

I was gonna miss Gordo- he was going to the University of Oregon in Eugene- but we had promised each other we'd visit and call when we could.

Gordie had been my rock in the last 18 months- not in the traditional sense- I wasn't crying like a pussy on his shoulder- but I was determined- almost possessed with coming out on top in school. I didnt have time for friends and parties, or tossing a football around. Teddy accused me of being a geek, Vern said I wasn't any fun anymore, but Gordie- he stayed up studying with me when I knew he was tired. On my request, he repeatedly tested me on facts and formulas that he knew I could recite cold. My best friend was the only person in the world that knew if I didnt have a focal point my Senior year, the thought of Nina and Ace Merrill would have fucking eaten me alive.

The first bars of the song came drifting out of the candy store, hitting the sidewalk like the smell of sweet cinnamon but making my stomach twist in a way that could only be described as bittersweet.

_"__You're mine and we belong together_

_Yes, we belong together_

_For all Eternity."_

I stood stock still, trying to gain my bearings as the music washed over me. Every now and then I thought I was over her but then something like this stupid fucking song came and sucker punched me again. I thought about the way she'd looked at me the first time we'd danced, in a way she never had before. I thought about the lights hitting her green dress and the way her equally green eyes had shone like emeralds.

"Fuck," I muttered to myself, swiping my hand over my clammy face. _Bus ticket, Chambers,_ I told myself, walking taller and trying to shake the song out of my head.

There was steam billowing out of Mrs Brown's Bakers, blowing across the sidewalk and clouding my vision ahead as I walked. I slowed slightly so I could adjust to the summer sun filtering through it.

And then I saw her.

She was coming out of the general store with a baby's pram. Due to the steam and the sunlight, I hadn't seen her until she was six feet in front of me. It was too late to pretend I hadn't seen her at all. I saw her eyes flick to the other side of the street like she might cross the road to avoid having to talk to me. I guess it might have been easier that way. But I took a breath and stopped in front of her, trying to ignore how beautiful she looked in simple jeans and a sweatshirt.

Her hair was tied up loosely, a few dark curls had escaped her ponytail, framing her heart shaped face. I had always loved her hair like that; messy, she had called it, but natural I had thought.

She didn't want to talk to me. She didn't want to look at me. But I guess I didn't give her a choice.

"Hey, Christina, how are you?"

My voice sounded oddly neutral. Like she was nobody to me. Like she hadn't been the last and first thing I had thought of at the finish and start of every day since I'd seen her last.

"Hi."

Her one word response was all she was prepared to give.

"So-uh- congratulations and all- Gordie tells me he's a real firecracker."

I didn't want to think about the baby really. He was half Merril, but God damn he was half of her too. And I cared about her beyond a physical thing. When I'd heard about the baby being born, I'd wanted to contact her, congratulate her; send something even. Of course, none of these things had been appropriate.

I did what you're supposed to do when you approach a new mother with a pram. I stepped forward to take a peek and tell her how cute he was regardless of whether this was true or not. But as soon as i took a single step, she yanked the pram backwards protectively, as if I didn't even deserve to look at the kid.

"He's asleep" She snapped. And then I realised that whatever we had had was gone, that her and Ace's kid was forever the barrier between us now. I may have had a chance competing with Ace, but I could never compete with their family.

There was an awkward silence.

"Congratulations to you too," she said suddenly. "I hear you got a full ride to Berkeley."

And then I felt shitty. We were supposed to go to Berkeley together. She had wanted to go to Berkeley. In truth, I had gotten into four other colleges but I had held onto Berkeley because it was our place, because I could still pretend for a little bit longer that all the plans we had made together could happen.

"Thanks," I said softly.

We stood looking at each other, and I realised she looked tired. I wanted to help her, to fix all her problems, to make her smile, but it wasn't my job anymore. I didn't have any right. I wondered how it was that we had once worked so in synch and now I knew nothing about her apart from the little Gordie would tell me. It wasn't that he was keeping secrets, it was just that he didn't want to hurt my feelings. He knew the thought of her with Ace was the thing that hurt the fucking most. There was nothing that came remotely close to the idea that she was falling asleep in his arms instead of mine.

I wished I was staying. I wished the baby was mine. I wished she still mine.

"When do you leave?"

Her question shook me out of my thoughts.

"Saturday."

"That's soon." She was frowning and this gave me a last wretched piece of hope. If she didn't want me to go then maybe she still loved me. Maybe she would ask me to stay. Even as her friend. And I'd do that for her. I absolutely and pathetically would.

"Yeah,, I guess it is." It was all I could manage.

She looked uncomfortable.

"You know, I'm sorry. For how it all happened. I didn't manage it very well."

_'__You and me both,_' I wanted to say.

I remembered with shame my own actions. Turning up at Irby's and trying to drag her out of there like a neanderthal. Breaking into Ace's house and forcing her to tell me to get lost. I had been out of mind and fucking irrational when she needed me to be the complete opposite, the person she could rely on to be calm in a crisis.

But I could tell she wanted to apologise. That she needed my acceptance to clear her conscience, and that was the fucking least I owed her.

"What's done is done. I forgive you." I said. Despite the fact I would never forgive myself.

She didn't look like she felt absolved by my forgiveness. In fact, she only looked guiltier.

"Thank you," she said politely. "I better get back anyway, so I'll see you."

Back to Ace. Back to their one room shack. Back to a crying baby that his Daddy never helped with, and dirty diapers that never seemed to end. Back to someone who treated her roughly and never cared about the tears on her pillow.

I was trying to say goodbye as she wheeled the pram past me but the word that came out was different.

"Nina?"

She stopped, held onto the pram, but turned around. Her dark curls swished as her head whipped towards me and her eyes slayed me with their dark green intensity.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay? Is Ace treating you okay? Gordie says he is but I figured you'd tell him that even if he wasn't."

It was a stupid question. It made me sound jealous and desperate. And why I thought she'd lie to Gordie and tell me the truth was insane. But she looked grateful that I'd asked and that made it worth it.

"Ace has been good," she said. And this made me feel better and worse at the same time. Better because ultimately I wanted him to, but worse because, shit, I knew I could treat her better. That I could love her like nobody else ever fucking could. I did love her that much, even now, even from a distance.

"I'm glad to hear it," I told her, which was only a half lie. "You take care now."

And then she brushed a curl out of her face, and I remembered when she would do this when she woke up, all sleepy and vulnerable, and I'd kiss her forehead and wish her good morning.

_'__Nobody ever said good morning to me,' she'd said once._

_"__Every morning with you is a good morning,' I'd answered. _

The memory made me smile despite the dull ache in my chest.

And then I turned and walked away.

I wished to God that she would call me back; tell me not to go; that she still loved me. But there was no noise on the street as I walked further and further away from her without looking back.

There was no doubt about it. I was not even close to being over her no matter what bullshit I told myself. And as I purchased my one way bus ticket, a sad kinda relief washed over me.

Thank fuck I was leaving and wouldn't have to run into her again. Hopefully by the time I did, I'd be over her for real.

888


End file.
